Monday, July 26, 2010

Week, ends..

Saturday - As usual, woke up early in the morning for work. I barely do artworks on Saturday, really lazy weh. I kept on wiping my eyes and hoping the time would pass faster, can't wait to go home to continue my sleep.

I went to Sentral once I finished work to have a lunch with Kodok, Neko & John at McD. I've tried the brand new burger, GCB. Can't be bad but was too small for me. After done lunch, I rush back home to rest. And woke at 5pm, had weird dreams during the nap. Hohoh

-After my nap, I got a call from Neko, so we have some drinks at Dawood. Picture taken with Steven, glad to see him with a short hair. No more ponytail.. *haha* By the way, congratulation bro, finally graduated from Lim Kok Wing uh. =)) See now most of us had graduated for the second time. O-m-g~ (Usher's) see how time flies~

-At the night we hang out at Kota till late night, it filled with laughter and we talked a lot.. mainly about ghost. Pray hard that nothing will happen in Redang. Hahah, and yeah, I got shocked by my very own phone. Thanks for the "Ghost Camera" Desiree, thank you! LOL *sorry, I don't have the picture of all of us.*
My Saturday ends by going back home and sleep! xD



The next day (Sunday, today) - My time was kinda packed, got up at 12 something. Had brunch with Kodok. And went to Jusco for shopping with Eric right after Kodok sent me home. Troy asked to watch Inception in MBO but I couldn't make it, really pack brah! Well, basically Eric was the one who shop a lot not me.. Had a hazelnut white coffee in Oldtown after an hour of walking. We talked about.. errr.. dance most of it.. Hahaha. (No pictures were taken.. =S)

-After Oldtown, we've got no better place to hang out but Poney, a place where Kodok and SWP work.. They seemed to be very free uh?

-He was busy with his girlfriend. Or maybe the waffle girl? Who knows?? Haha

-We went to MP/DP after hang out at Jusco for hours...

-Eric & Neko shopping at Carefour's FOS. This is what happened while waiting for Neko to try his surf pants. My expression in this picture wasn't like that earlier, really. Slow shutter, blame on the camera! LOL!

-We were running out of ideas where to have our dinner and so we ended up at mcD. (Yes, again) Melaka really got nothing better to eat uh?

It may be a simple random weekend but for me it was awesome. How long didn't I hang out like this? Used to be in years back. Hang out till the next morning like no problem! Wonder how do I spend my Sunday nowadays? Sitting in front the laptop and watch dramas, that is it! Life's a geek during weekend... xD

"You may work for six days, but the seventh day is a day of worship, a day when you don't work. It is holy to the LORD. Whoever works on that day must be put to death - Exodus 31:15 GW"

Tomorrow might probably wouldn't be better as today is it..?

Friday, July 23, 2010

我有今日

How long did not see my smile and laughter in a picture? I've lost my dimples since I'm getting chubbier. Ahhhh cut the crap, it ain't discussing about my photo today. So yesterday I was discussing and talked about some topics in Kota. So I decided to share something similar to the topic yesterday here.

See, I lived for my own all these while and being really selfish. Or best describe, I was being childish.. It's so easy for me to make enemies. I turned my back on people and leave them in ten feet if they offended me, I hurt them with my words.. I don't care for their feelings but my own, who cares about them as long I feel good, who give a damn anyway?

What I did yet I never thought of karma. See, I'm scared and afraid if everything comes back to me. *What goes around comes around.* Someday I asked myself "Why? Why do I have to judge people, why do I have to treat them that way?" So I traded shoes to feel what it's like to be them, to go inside their mind and to feel their pain. Gosh I felt the feeling of being hated, to be let down, being excluded, being ignored & such...

Make it simple, imagine that if everybody around turns their back on you. You try to speak but they don't gives you a chance, what you trying to see but there ain't nothing in sight, what you trying to give but no one gives you a try... What they do is put you into a joke and treat you as a clown. It was a lie if you said that you don't feel a thing. I told myself that I can't afford to go through this life... And my conscience replied "if you can't afford then what you think about the others that you discriminated against?" Oh Lord, I shall repent... =( I don't want to experience this feeling and I pray please don't let me to.... I have made up my mind to not treat people around me this way.

It is a bless that I'm still who I am and nobody turns their backs against me (yet). You..... No matter how I treated you, how my words sting on you, how I hurt you, how bad I was.. You always considering my feelings, thinking of me before yourself. Most of the time I'm so damn selfish I don't even realize you treat me so well.. And no matter how bad still I wasn't hated by you, you accept me with all my mistakes, flaws, my sins. Mainly, you forgave me time and time again...You forgave me eventually. 我没被讨厌. =,) Arghh, if only I realized this earlier, things would be different, no? Really feel bad and hate myself for being so immature. I just don't realized that I've been well treated all these while and I never learn to appreciate their kindness. What a shame uh? This is something I MUST change.

*He loves us so much that while we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)*

See all I have and who I am today was a blessed from the Almighty.. I thank you for everything you given me thus far. I'm really thankful for this. As humans we are so quick to judge others but we fail to examine our own hearts. I shall less judging and not see every person no matter how perfect or imperfect they are..Glad that I've repented earlier before it is too late. Seriously I'm glad that I've noticed my mistakes before everyone ignored nor leave me for my bad behavior. I'm here to seek for forgiveness, I... I apologize if I ever mistreated you previously. Besides a simple "Sorry", I've got no clue what's the better word to represent my mistakes. And yeah, I come in peace now.. =))

Give me sometime to study my past and learn lesson from my mistakes. *FAITH* GBM.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mohawk

I told myself to get a haircut before my holiday and so today find Albert to let him do his job.. Always wanted to have a Mohawk. Seriously I would like to try all kind of hairstyles. And I really need courage to get a Mohawk. This could be my ever changing hairstyle year. I tried all kind of colors on my hair, tried pretty much of hairstyles as well. The first half year was medium long, and the rest of this year would be short hairstyle. This is what my new year resolution is. *ROFL* See young come once, so I will be stylish while I can.

-The before, I looked like a Pastor don't you think so? *lmao*

-Aftermath.. *HJ, cun or not?* ahahahaha. When I told Albert that I want a Mohawk he was like seriously?! and look at me with full of doubts. Kodok was like WTF to see the outcome. I giggled, *in good way* In fact, I was really worried & scared that if my dad or boss would scold me. Yet I still hold on with my theory. *Once in a lifetime*.

-After the haircut, Albert treat us a dinner. Thanks for the lovely meal bro. *Blessed* When comes to Chinese restaurant, I've got no clue what to order and mainly I can't read... So we leave it to Albert to do the order...

-Yum..

-He's my personal hairstylist Albert Low *lol* I always have faith in him to let him cut my hair, and every outcomes did satisfied me. But he is soon going to Singapore to continue his career. Well, this could be the last hairstyle that he cut for me.... Anyway good luck in your future undertakings bro! God Bless. =))

p/s : I'm ready for a holiday now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Renaissance

I find it hard to express everything I feel inside. I always wanted to share and let everything out but there's nobody I could share with, to whom I can share with and if there are, where should I start?

There was a time when I was lost in myself. All things came at a time and I cant cope. I was depressed and confused with myself, at the moment, all the negatives kept crossing my mind. I started to lost hopes and threw a fit at my own everyday. I throw a tantrum very easily over tiny things.. Tried to get disappeared without a trace, I lived in my own world, living in despair... How I wish I could have someone to share all my problems with, but I never did. I kept it all for my own and swallow all my sorrows.

Slowly I let hatred, anger, grudge to build inside of me. Matter of fact, these have made me a little bit stronger albeit it is not a positive act. I've being selfish, cruel, cold-blooded and ignore everyone if necessary.. And I pretend, pretend that nothing ever happened, pretend that everything is fine. I act like troubles don't phase me yet deep inside it drives me crazy. However I'm not completely anti-social after all, I did hang out with my besties. I felt great to chill but my circumstances always made things go wrong.

But yeah what I mentioned earlier is a WAS. *Haha* I almost overcome it now. I fought against myself to see the light again instead of living in the dark. I can't afford to live in despair any longer, I've struggled enough and cant take it anymore. I'm in the state of healing myself, I have to forgive in order to get rid of this hatred. Before I learn to forgive, I seek for forgiveness first. Don’t try to forgive others before you first learn to forgive yourself. And I'm learning to treat myself a little better. How am I gonna take care of person I love in future if I can't even deal with my own life? How can someone feel secure with me if I don't even feel secure myself? Now, why should I have to be this weak? How can I give up so easily? I know there are peoples out there that suffered for their problems more than I do or indeed worst. To stand up isn't that easy, but I will still trying. Run no more, hide no more, face your problem like a man. Grow up CZ!! *Faith* Everyday I try to put all the negativity out off me. I desired to be a real man to face my problems steadily. Ya ya, words are easier say than done.. Will see ~(-_-)~

I know there are more problems a head in future to face and I should have be ready by now. "Hard times will come. Struggles will always be there. Life will never be perfect."

I barely share what I felt inside, but I made it *applause* There are many things in list that I wanted to change. Changing myself not massively but slowly & steadily..Life is about learning lesson, no? Trying to live for now and moving forward but still I'll never leave my past behind. Because past brought me here. Well, guess my life has just started. God Bless Me, Psalm 67:7!!!!

"I wanna meet my maker in peace, I wanna feel alive again..."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Tiffany, Kelly & Désirée.

-My first color screen phone, SE T630. I got it early form 4. It comes with 1.3 megapixel camera and polyphony tone.. Hahaha, it could be one of the best during that time. I named it Tiffany. She have been through a lot of sweet moments with me, I appreciate her so much that is the reason why I still keeping her & handle with care *really?*. Only God knows. =))Oh ya, my mom bought it for me as a reward of PMR result. My result ain't that good anyway...

-Alright this is Kelly! 2megapixel Cyber-shot™. I personally think that the camera not that good. Mom bought it for me, I had deal with my mom and she promised that if I do well in SPM she'll buy me a phone..LOL. Supposedly to get it before I go for National Service but she was worried that if my phone would get stole. Kelly have gone through all the hard times with me, pity her eh..? She's real strong to come this far and guess now is the time for her to have a good rest... I will handle her with full of cares *finger crossed*.

-And present, my current phone. HTC Desire or known as Désirée. Haha, ok this time I get it with my own.. Not to be biggie or showing off but the price is 3x Kelly, yet I'm not regret at all. I indeed will if i get an iPhone... I can't afford to let her suffer, can't imagine if she drops to the ground.. *touch-wood* I will take good care of you with every breath of my heart.. Hahahah

Monday, July 19, 2010

Me vs.

Someday I asked myself. I'm already 21st and what have I archived so far? And what's going to be in future? Ahh, seriously I dare not imagine what would happen to me in next 10 years, I don't even want to think about it. See I'm just like you & everyone else, I hope that my future would be bright, to be a successful person. But I'm scared to put hope, for time & time again it disappoints me. "希望就是奢望", you feel me? Hope is a belief in a positive outcome. Hope is a feeling that something desired may happen. Hope is distinct from positive thinking. Speaking about POSITIVE.. This is how the war between me & myself began. Hahaha..

All these while I've been survive in a negatives vibe. I get emo very easily, I'm pretty fragile & vulnerable. Words can bring me down, words cut like a sword.. Even some sad love song never fail to make me feel sorrow. See I'm not that strong enough uh? What kind of man am I? Haha.. In order to keep myself away from anything that is harmful, I choose to avoid. I see, hear and speak no evil. I've been cruel to myself, cold, hate, and ignore anything that could makes me emo. I'm hiding from the reality and leaving in my dream. But comes to realized that I'm actually not facing the truth, I'm letting the truth to eat me alive.. I always thought that the time could heal but for years I've been living in sorrow. I found out that the devil lives inside of me lead me to the dark side. I never get any better but worst. I told myself yet, I need to change my life. I need to get rid of negative vibes.

I desire to change, but word are only word. There are something in ourselves that we can't change.. It's something like forcing a tiger to eat grass & a cow to eat meat? But there are other thing we can constantly TRY to change. Trying is at least better than none. See what does it takes to change myself is me my own. Before I change my bad habits, attitude, my thinking, I have to change the one inside me. See, I try to put away all the negativity, try to think positive. Everyday I told myself that I have to be happy but deep inside kept telling me that I will never made it, I'll get emo later, I'll be unhappy & all the negativity keeps on pouring in. Whenever I'm in a bad mood, it cause from no one but myself. My own conscience is the matter.. So everyday I'm having war with myself, everyday I'm at battle with my own mind. Promised myself that I will treat myself better and never going to let emotion take over the situation. But how long does it takes to see my changes? Will I really change? Well, action speaks louder than word... Pray for me and God Bless.. =))

Well, it is 2am now and it took me hours to write this. LoL, I'm not good in blogging obviously. Based on my previous blogS, I preferred visual do the talking. However I will try to keep more updates here. My TUMBLR would be my online portfolio. I'll post all my artworks there. =))